(Many, not Most) Black Men hate Black Women...

Disclamer: My consligiare' Verb suggested I make clear that I am not saying ALL Black men are participants in the type of activity I am about to describe, nor that ALL Black men hate Black women, I hardly believe that this is the reality for the majority, but for a significant part of our group, significant enough that it warrents immediate and exact action. Basically, its not that "MOST" Black men hate our sisters, but far too many do.

One of my favorite bloggers (and possible cousin) Rosyln had mentioned in a discussion we had at the What About our Daughters blog, the frequency of "trains" or gang rapes that occur within the African American community. Rosyln had stated that these things occur more often than people would like to believe. Well, there was a time I would have thought that her position was an overstatement, however; with reports about things like Dunbar, the 11 year old girl in Milwaukee, and the recent attack and rape of a woman in Philadelphia I had to think about what Rosyln had said.

At the same time I was finally getting around to reading a book that my wife had given me a while ago, that being "Makes me Wanna Hollier" by Nathan McCall. I had just got to chapter 6 of his book "Trains" and was horrified at what I read. he talks about how he and his boys would run trains on 13 and 14 year old girls (amongst other things), and what shocked me most is how similar his story sounded to many stories guys told me of their "exploits" when I was a teenager.

There were many times guys would tell me about their participation in such events and I just would assume they were lying about a girl that wished they could get with. I am not so sure how many times they were actually lying now. The young ladies would deny it (who wouldn't) and the perps wouldn't give legal culpability admissions, just locker room talk.

What I do know is that when I was 13 myself, I hung out with some older teens (14-19), we had this little dance group. Anyway, there was a young lady who was like a groupie of sorts, followed us around. One day, the guys got her over to one of the members of our team's house when his parents were gone. Long story short, they decided to use her because she was "willing".

This girl was also 13 at the time, but it didn't matter to any of them. I arrived at the house expecting for one of our practices to take place, when I was told downstairs there was a girl who was available to "de-virginize" me. I get down there, and there is the last 2, literally in line (in front of her while she was being raped by the guy before them) to do what the other 8 members who were there were slapping hands about doing. I was horrified, I knew this girl from grade school, I knew she had a crush on one of the older guys particularly, she and I had talked about how she liked him, but everyone else she seemed to be allowed to do this to her because he had basically thrown her to the wolves after he had taken advantage of her (he was 19).

I'll never forget the look on her face, these guys believed she actually wanted to do this (maybe there are some women who would, but 17, 18 & 19 year old guys might want to find an actually "consenting" adult if this is what gives them thrills). In this case, this was a girl I had been in school with, who looked terrified and had a look in her eyes that she was complying out of fear. I expressed my displeasure at the situation.

Well due to a certain V.ery L.arge “Chicago urban youth group affiliation” I had (By nature as they looked out for me because I DJ'ed some of their sets), even at 13 I had a bit of an intimidation factor going as these guys never wanted my older friends and associates of this "V.ery L.arge" Chicago youth group to visit them, I was able to "persuade them" to discontinue what they were doing, so they allowed for the young lady get dressed. Then I walked her home.

She held her head down and said very little to me. All she said to me was a request that I promise not to tell anyone what happened, and I agreed. I said that what they did to her was wrong, and she said that it was her fault because she trusted the 19 year old and thought he liked her.

When I got back to the house, the guys were all bragging about what they had done, how much she “liked” it, the fact they thought they had "broke in a virgin", turned her out, etc., etc. I was cussed out by the 2 guys who didn't get their turn (they were both a year older than I and the youngest guys there besides me), and I was called sissy and "gay" by the older guys because I didn't take a turn. Some said I was "soft" or "catching feelings" for a "b----", and wasn't a real man, etc.

Honestly, I thought that was a rare event, when other guys said they had participated in this sort of thing, I thought they were just rehashing a story that they had heard, now I believe I may have been seriously wrong. Another thing came to mind as I read Nate's book. This happened to my mother when she was 17 about 6 months after I was born.

For those who don't know, my mother died at 42 from a disease cause by alcoholism. Don't get me wrong, my mother was a great mother, she sacrificed for me in ways I have just begun to appreciate, especially sine I have children of my own now, one of my regrets is that I didn't tell her how much I appreciated her more often. My mom's alcoholism was caused by her not being able to handle (or handling in the wrong way) many of the traumatic things that happened to her in her youth, and one of things happened to her on a visit to her father in Detroit.

My grand dad (whom I never met when I was old enough to remember) had married my grandma when she was 12, my grandma had my mother when she was 13, so she wasn't the best mother to my mom (not necessarily because of her age). Anyway, my grandma left my grand dad when she was in her 20's, she put my mom out when she had me, so my mom ended up living with my grand dad for a while.

She told me this story when I was 19. When she was in Detroit , my grand dad got mad at her for something and threw her and me (at 6 mos) out. It was late, past midnight. My mother was walking past what was known as a drug house run by gang members. Long story short some guys forced her into the house (one she knew from previous visits), put a gun to my 6 month old head and threatened to kill me if she didn't comply. She survived that situation, but was forever traumatized by it. There are too many issues there to talk about in one post, parental responsibility (and grand parental responsibility) being chief amongst those issue, however, I will focus on what my step dad had to say about it, that being "Your mom shouldn't had been up in Detroit anyway". I will always remember that.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad (my step day is the dad who raised me), and overall I think he did a decent job as far as provision and some morality, however; I am thankful I didn't pick up his backward Mississippi (no offense meant to Mississippi people) Black man mentality towards women. He would always ask me how many girlfriends I had, and if I said 1, he said I should have 5 more. Amazing. This gets to my point.

Before I get to that point, I am not putting myself up their as a beacon of nobility, you see I have come to the understanding and am of a firm belief that any man is capable of raping a women under certain circumstances (it comes down to choice), this is predicated on my understanding that ANY human is capable of ANY thing. I come to this by understanding and taking a honest look at history, current society and myself.  For the most part, from my observation, people are selfish and self centered, which breeds a lack of concern for others, which leads to all manner of evil, but that's a whole 'nother post. Basically, I think people choose to act "good" (or civil), for fear of consequence.

That being said, I believe that from my observations and experiences I might know a way that we can combat this sick mentality that seems prevalent in our community. I have come to an understanding that Generally, the garden variety sociopath or psychopath who is the ring leader of these "trains" or gang rapes is a lost cause from the jump, its the "go along to get along" brothers who are the greater problem and the problem we might be able to affect change in.

The garden variety sociopath or psychopath who is the ring leader wouldn't get far in these types of situations if someone, the average guy that is present had the moral center and basis to KNOW that women and girls are PERSON deserving of respect and dignity. Maybe they would stop it, talk the other brothers to their senses, or run like hell and call the police. I am talking to Black men, not because I think this sort of activity is exclusive to the "Black Community" (we know that woman hatred and rape goes beyond color or culture), but because our racial hang ups contribute towards the overall low attitude of Black women and girls in general.

Mr. McCall wrote in his book: “I realized that we thought we loved our sisters but that we actually hated them. We hated them because they were black and we were black, and on some level much deeper than we realized, we hated the hell out of ourselves”.

And I believe he is absolutely on point in that. Black men have got to stop hating Black women and stop teaching young black me to do the same. From that hate (predicated on self hate) comes lack of regard, honor or concern for women who share our color.

These crimes are not about sex, they are about power and abuse, a feeling of ownership over another human being, and a false twisted sociological mentality of what "manhood" is. Black men however, are not the only problem.

Black women enable this. Treating young black boys as princes and treating young black girls as paupers. Black women have an enmity towards black girls (especially when it comes to their sons) often raising their daughters to be subservient to men, teaching both their daughters and sons (by their actions most often) primarily that the worth of a Black girl is their hips, and whats between their legs. All that "man gonna be a man" and "girls are trying to catch you up" drivel just perpetuates this madness. There are actually WOMEN and GIRLS who set other women and girls up for these gang rapes.

Media is part of the problem, but the bigger problem starts in our neighborhoods, streets, families and living rooms. WHAT we teach.

Take church for example. Often girls are told to remain chaste, sometimes getting put out if they get pregnant; yet boys are also compelled to remain chaste ( they may get some lip service), but overall they get the implied wink from their elders that "boys will be boys".

That is the sort of schizophrenic teaching that has to stop. Also in the homes, Fathers often teach their daughters to be pure, but encourage their sons to lose their virginity as soon as possible, again schizophrenic.

In the streets guys respect each others mothers (and sometimes sisters, girlfriends, wives and daughters) but all other women (who are generally someone else's sister,other, daughter, girlfriend or wife) are b------ who don't deserve respect and are simply there to pleasure them. It all comes down to our community's collective socialization. It starts with each one of US.

I'm just saying...

Comments

[lola gets]

Wow, this was a long post, but I am soooo glad you wrote it! Reading that McCalls book was my first exposure to this activity, and I, too, had difficulty believing it.

Unlike you, Ive never participated (or not, as the reality is) in any kind of activity like this, and although I went to a girls' school and a women's college, I never heard any girl talk about this having been done to her either.

I think that violence against women is something that definitely needs to be discussed in the Black community, and especially with the men. Im glad you decided to speak on it.

L

[Shecodes]

DJ Black Adam,

First allow me to say how sorry I am about the loss of your mother, and what she had to go through. It is SO common. If black women collectively began to speak about this, the whole world would be permanently deafened by the horrendous roar of pain that would come from black women.

Not in my own family, but I have seen SEVERAL examples of fathers openly teaching their young adolescent sons to be 'playaz'. Not to be family men. Not to be respectful. These are MARRIED men who do this.

I agree that black women are playing a deadly role as well. It hurts my heart so badly that sometimes I don't know where to begin!

We can only begin to speak the truth, as loudly as we can.

And you are RIGHT... most people are selfish and only do the right thing out of fear of consequence.

[Gina]

Thank you so very much for sharing. I actually just read Jody Miller's "Getting Played" over the weekend and she interviewed a group of teens in St. Louis and we like to think that "running trains"... gang rape is an anomaly, but its not. Only people with a conscience think that is is rare because we don't want to let ourselves believe we would do this to one another.

[Roslyn Holcomb]

I've got a post up on my blog today about what happened back in my hometown. Our attitudes toward rape and sexual abuse are problematic. bell hooks talks about holdovers from slavery and Jim Crow that were necessary back then, but are detrimental to us now. Considering the source of many of the rape accusations back then it is only rational that we would be skeptical and defensive. But now, these attitudes are destroying us.

http://web.mac.com/roslynholcomb/iWeb/Site/Blog/4AF2054E-A9C1-4401-A796-6D4E9F678735.html

[DJ Black Adam]

Lola:

I am glad you nor people you knew had to experience this type of ordeal. I hope that more people, men and women, speak plainly about this issue and our community's collective moral standard increases.

Shecodes:

Thank you for your condolences. I do miss my mother, I often am saddened that my children never knew her on earth. Thank you for seeing what I was saying about people fearing consequence. Many people think I am being hard on humanity, I believe I am just being realistic.

Gina:

You are often the catalyst for greater discussions on these issues, if you and people like you keep shining lights onto dark places, maybe people will wake up to these realities and do more to change them.

Rosyln:

I read your posting. I just can't understand why people turn a blind eye to things until they come home to them, then again, it goes back to that selfishness that people have, in this case that lead to a sense of entitlement over those they felt "lower class" as such resulting in lack of overall value for that "lower class".

[Nicole]

This blog was referenced in my email group (blackcommunityconversations@yahoogroups.com) and I posted it on my website (www.dc-sistagirls.com) as well as emailed it to a few other listserves. The conversations about gang rape, vilification of black women and so forth are long long long overdue. Thanks for the post. Sistas are moving to a place where we can talk about the violence we've experienced in our lives and take a stand for ourselves and our sisters (mothers, aunties, grandmas, daughters, cousins, neices...so on). What's sad to me is that we don't know (in many cases) why we are angry with each other. We're just playing out generational madness that needs to be addressed, finally.

[Afroamerica Writer]

This was a difficult post to read especially as a black woman. But this post also made me realize (again), that I had the fortune of having a Present Dad and other Dad-like figures in my life growing up.

I took it for granted until I got to high school seeing my counterparts settling for affection and what a college roommate told me as envy for my Dad to always call.

The downside of that (if there was one) is that I was raised to be fearless and I've confounded some black guys when I don't accept crap. Did I say I had the downside - only to be treated as an outsider that refused to see race as a legitimate reason not to stand up to a guy who's treated a woman wrong.

[CreoleInDC]

I couldn't finish this. It made me sick to my stomach.

[A concerned mother]

So Nathan McCall was a train rapist in his youth and now he is a dad and author.

Meanwhile, nazis got tried and convicted for their crimes of over half a century ago and this guy writes a book about his and goes scott-free just what, a decade or two later?

Rape is rape. Call it what you want. This man committed heinous crimes and should pay.

[Jenny]

Wow, just wow.

[A concerned mother]

What makes me sick is that Nathan McCall is still alive after what he did to young black girls!

And he wants to whine about how white America continues to make life tough for him???

Boy, after what you did, anything short of torture at GITMO should be taken as luxury and mercy.

[DJ Black Adam]

@A concerned mom & Jenny:

Thanks for commenting.

You know, I asked my wife about the whole “Statutes of limitations” thing, she said the problem would be the girl admitting that it happened and proving that she is the person referred to in his story.

You all know its hard enough to prove a rape that happens a day after the crime is committed, 20 years?

As for Mr. Mc Call, I make no excuses for him, I will say that maybe his story being told gave some young man who read his book pause, and hopefully deterred them from following the example that he and his young friends chose.

[jerry]

Keep in mind that we're all in this together. We are all doing this horrible behavior to each other. It's not like these people are from another planet.

We're not grooming/teaching boys to be human beings. We're passing on our (whites as well as Blacks)women-hating behavior that comes out of patriarchy. Men still own and run the world, and that includes the women in it. Until we can come clean and stop lieing about what we are and give women their due, these kind of things will continue. Raping little girls--how sick is that? But will it help to string that person up? I've always thought that one part of criminal behavior was a cry for help (sometimes criminals do such stupid things it seems they're begging to be caught).

This is not to condone or excuse in any way these crimes. It's only to say that what we're doing isn't working. We need to find a way to bring women on board.

If women had just as much to say about violence and rape against women as men do, do you think that rape would be an almost-excusable crime? It's not taken seriously.

Rape is our ultimate weapon, the way we show we are more powerful and better than women.

It's not enough that rape shouldn't exist, it never should have come up in the first place. It never, ever should have entered the mind of a man.

[DJ Black Adam]

@Jerry:

You wrote:

"It's not enough that rape shouldn't exist, it never should have come up in the first place. It never, ever should have entered the mind of a man."

Were it so, it would be nice. I however firmly believe that any man is capable of raping a women under certain circumstances (it comes down to choice), this is predicated on my understanding that ANY human (MALE OR FEMALE) is capable of ANY thing. I come to this by understanding and taking a honest look at history, current society and myself. For the most part, from my observation, people are selfish and self centered, which breeds a lack of concern for others, which leads to all manner of evil, but that's a whole 'nother post. Basically, I think people choose to act "good" (or civil), for fear of consequence.

So I believe HUMAN (Male and Female) nature is selfish, from which comes evil.

Thanks for your comment

[BlamerOfVictimBlamers]

If you want to vilify black women, maybe you should look at why you feel a need to blame the victims of patriarchy and misogyny.

And while we're at it, you might want to review your misunderstanding of schizophrenia. Not only is the usage of the term in that context nonsensical in regard to the point you're trying to make, but it's offensive, too.

[DJ Black Adam]

@Ultra Feminist pscyhocpath aka BlamerOfVictimBlamers

"If you want to vilify black women, maybe you should look at why you feel a need to blame the victims of patriarchy and misogyny."

Don't see where I blamed any "rape victim", all women are not rape victims, all men are not rapist. Sorry that doesn't fit your ultra feminist agenda. All men are not misogynist, and all women are not victims, in fact, as I stated, some women are co-conspiritors (and in some cases co-defendents).

"And while we're at it, you might want to review your misunderstanding of schizophrenia. Not only is the usage of the term in that context nonsensical in regard to the point you're trying to make, but it's offensive, too."

Aside from the obvious lunacy of someone who can't make out metaphor or symbolic speach trying to speak to me about grammar(or semantics as they claim), I will say I am sorry you are offended in how I choose to express MY views on MY blog. Its a big internet, feel free to not visit my part of it :-)

You know, you folks are an interesting breed, sociologically that is. You speak about patriarchy and misogyny, as if this was the extent of the problems within the human condition, your limited and skewed worldview will always cause you to never be able to come to a solution to the problems you point out, because you can never see beyond the limits of your "concerns" into the larger universe.

In many ways your type are like ultra right evangelicals, only able to see what you WANT to see, always seeing people who are outside of your group as the enemy (in your case anyone with a penis who doesn't think that men are the only humans who can be evil).

It is really pathetic.

I will allow your comment to stand, partially because your lot amuses me so.

Good day.

[mildlyconfusedvisitor]

Wow.

Well I a frequent visitor (I read your postings at Court TV / Crime Library) but this is the first time I have felt the need to comment.

I don't see how the one "blametheblamer" commenter comes to their conclusions. It seems rather clear that you aren't blaming victims by stating a truth regarding "enabling" patterns, just pointing out a different part of the pathology that is affecting the African American community.

And as far as the "schizo" comment, I understand what you meant, seemed quite clear.

Maybe we are reading two different articles.

Anyway, keep up the good writing. BTW, any comments on Marvel's "Secret Invasion"?

[White Female (and no I'm not after your man)]

I've also noticed young (and maybe old too, who knows?) black males hating on Oprah and other very successful black women, calling them "sell-outs".

(You also hear this from various hip-hop artists, "f*ck Oprah". It's pure envy of the BLACK WOMAN because she made it bigger and better than the testosterone fueled thugs that they are.)

Wow.

A sister works the system to her advantage and instead of high fives she gets jealousy and hate?

Now, if it were these guys' mamas up there on TV making multi-millions, you can bet they would be riding her coat tails all the way to the bank!

There's a similar envy of Obama covered on your other thread. Now just imagine if it was a black WOMAN up there running for President...

You know she wouldn't be getting any support at all from a large sector of envious black men.

What is up with this???

[mysTery]

I have SOOO many words on this topic.

But to sum it up...

"and on some level much deeper than we realized, we hated the hell out of ourselves”

That is what I was thinking the whole time I was reading.

It's amazing how people will abuse other's if they don't love themselves...

[A.M.S.]

"The garden variety sociopath or psychopath who is the ring leader wouldn't get far in these types of situations if someone, the average guy that is present had the moral center and basis to KNOW that women and girls are PERSON deserving of respect and dignity."

I read the above, and thought it was good, and that you seemed to get it, and realize women are people too, then I came to this:

"@Ultra Feminist pscyhocpath aka BlamerOfVictimBlamers"

Where's the respect to another person?

You wrote:

"Don't see where I blamed any "rape victim", all women are not rape victims, all men are not rapist."

You're right, they're not but when the statistics are 1 woman in 4 is raped, you're inevitably going to have rape victims among the mothers you're talking about.

So, these women, who are rape survivors (not all of them but statistically there has to be a sizable portion of them), who see that men don't respect them, that Black men hate them... and you tell them they should change their behaviour? The ones who might even want to identify with the side that's winning (men, who have been accused of rape and have walked, no jail time served), and if they blame the woman, maybe the guys around them will leave the women alone for a while, until she's too old, fat, ugly, to serve a purpose.

So yes, I can see how that section of your post can been seen as blaming the victim

[DJ Black Adam]

@A.M.S.

I called someone:

"Ultra Feminist pscyhocpath aka BlamerOfVictimBlamers"

To which you replied:

“Where's the respect to another person?”

Look AMS, My blog is my place to express my thoughts, simple as that. NOT a message board, so when a GUEST comes by MY SPACE and says to me: “If you want to vilify black women…” or makes other false accusations towards me, as opposed to asking a question for clarification, OR truly attempting to understand what I am saying, at that point respect is not the default, as I afford respect to those who afford it to me. BOTTOM LINE, I don’t mind when people disagree with me, however; when people show they have no interest in discussion and in this case paint me as some misogynist because THEY can’t understand what I am saying (or refuse to attempt to understand), we’re done.

The person(s) in question comes from some livejournal spot, and expressed equally inane sentiments regarding my thoughts there, so if someone does not engage me with respect most often they are deleted and banned without further notice, in this case I left up their comment, which was out of courtesy since the leader of this group of folks who "want to do everything BUT read my article" left up my reply up on their space.

If they come respectful to me, I will respond in kind, simple as that.

Now, as I wrote:

"Don't see where I blamed any "rape victim", all women are not rape victims, all men are not rapist."

Your reply was:

“You're right, they're not but when the statistics are 1 woman in 4 is raped, you're inevitably going to have rape victims among the mothers you're talking about.”

O.K., lets look at the statement. Saying “I am blaming the victims” is too broad a statement, perhaps saying that: “Hey, some of the women who enable this behavior were or are perhaps victims themselves” would have been something to talk about.

Other than that, the argument doesn’t work. Follow this. If I say that I was beaten by my parents, at that point I am a victim. If I later beat my kids, or ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO BEAT MY KIDS, or SET MY KIDS UP TO BE BEATEN, then at that point, I AM AN ACCOMPLICE and RESPONSIBLE. Sure, I can say in the court trial that one of the mitigating factors that has to be taken into account is that I was or even am a victim of abuse, but it does not REMOVE MY RESPONSIBILITY.

You wrote:

“So, these women, who are rape survivors (not all of them but statistically there has to be a sizable portion of them),”

From the statistics you provided, Even if we go with 25% (which is more than enough) it still does not remove their RESPONSIBILITY to CHOOSE better for THEIR Daughters and Sons. I go with the pressupposition that FATHERS AND MOTHERS are RESPONSIBLE for how they raise THIER CHILDREN.

“... and you tell them they should change their behaviour?”

As G Money Wells said: "MOST Definitely!". Like I said: If I am talking to an ADULT, and they are saying they are doing something (I.E physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental abuse, etc.) because it was done to them as a child or even as an adult, I am going to point out the lunacy in their CHOICE. I believe we are responsible for our CHOICES, regardless of the mitigating factors.

How about this AMS, based on YOUR logic, a man who abuses and rapes women because he saw this happen to women or was raped himself bears no responsibility if they commit a rape themselves because they themselves were victims?

You see the flaw here in the logic you use now?

You conclude with:

“So yes, I can see how that section of your post can been seen as blaming the victim”

I can see how someone would want to see that, even if that is not what is being said. Especially when that someone or those someones already see every man as a woman hater trying to blame women for rape.

I spread the "blame" around, from the perp to a society of MEN and WOMEN who enable the woman hating mindset. The perp is resposnible for the crime all by thesmselves, the sociological mentallity is quite another matter.

You can disagree if you feel the need, doesn't change my position, nor the validty of it.

[LorMarie]

Wow, this is a great piece of writing containing much truth. Thank you for spreading it.

The issues you raised are the very reason why I no longer see black men as allies or even my "counterparts." I view them the same way I view white people...some will be your friend and some are your enemies. As far as I am concerned, the black male enemy should be fought just as hard as white supremacy.

Do I believe that the majority of black men are my enemies, no. But I do believe that only a small minority have true respect for black womanhood. Most black men I'd say fall in the middle of both extremes...not haters but certainly not lovers of black women.

I also agree that black women have fed into this dynamic. Too many of us are concerned about black boys and men, but not nearly enough about black girls and women. That has to change.

Thanks again for posting this!

[DJ Black Adam]

@Lor Marie:

Thanks for coming by and commenting.

You wrote:

“The issues you raised are the very reason why I no longer see black men as allies or even my "counterparts." I view them the same way I view white people...some will be your friend and some are your enemies. As far as I am concerned, the black male enemy should be fought just as hard as white supremacy.”

I wouldn’t say “Black Men” or “White people” are "enemies" per se, but I understand what you are saying. I would say the enemy is certain attitudes White People or in this case “Black Men” might harbor.

What we are combating is ideas, not people. The collective community standard must be raised, so the PEOPLE, male / female, Black /White can come to a mutual respect of each other as human beings. I know it is idealistic, but it is the standard I believe we should strive for.

You continue with:

“Do I believe that the majority of black men are my enemies, no. But I do believe that only a small minority have true respect for black womanhood. Most black men I'd say fall in the middle of both extremes...not haters but certainly not lovers of black women.”

I hate it, but it seems like a truth. But that’s how it is in most evils, most people are not to either side of the far extreme, most just go along, and unfortunately, they don’t go along with the light, they just are indifferent to the suffering of others, which again, goes towards the selfish nature of human beings.

“I also agree that black women have fed into this dynamic. Too many of us are concerned about black boys and men, but not nearly enough about black girls and women. That has to change.”

I agree, I believe Black women (as well as Black Men) SHOULD be concerned about Black CHILDREN (Male and Female), BLACK WOMEN and MEN should instill respect of others in ALL Children, male and female. Black women sometimes have a serious enmity with BLACK GIRLS (I.e. The R. Kelly case) and help screw up the thinking of Black Boys by not helping raising their Black boys (or raising if they are single mothers) to respect other people, in particular Black women.

Really it comes down to raising our children BETTER and changing our patholical thinking in many cases.

[kjen]

Wow. I'm glad I found your blog. I was wary when I saw the title, but I think the posting was well thought out and supported. One comment you made about how fathers are often passing down these type of sexist and ultimately destructive views to their children caught my attention because lately the Black family is getting more attention than usual, specifically the lack of marriages. So the latest push is to get more Blacks married and while I am a staunch supporter of marriage and the importance of fatherhood, I don't think increasing Black marriages will magically cure a lot of the social ills (more marriages will equal higher self esteem, less rapes, less violence, etc). These types of problems are manifestations of the way people of our society THINK. Mentally everyone will have to work to change some of their views or else we're really just working to reinvigorate a script that has gotten us to where we are now in the first place.

[DJ Black Adam]

Kjen:

"Mentally everyone will have to work to change some of their views or else we're really just working to reinvigorate a script that has gotten us to where we are now in the first place."

You are absolutely correct. Thank you for your comment!